Jennifer DeFalco
It can be said that every culture has its own form of hygge, a Danish-Norwegian term for that feeling you get from enjoying simple, pleasurable moments. Hygge as a concept first hit the States in the mid 2010s, quickly working its way into our hearts and onto the labels of scented candles in every boutique, Williams Sonoma, and Target from the Turnpike to the 405. But it’s the feeling—not the candle, and certainly not the faux sheepskin slippers from the Magnolia aisle—that we still might be missing out on.
That’s because, inconveniently, hygge requires doing exactly: nothing. No buying. No organizing. No grand gestures. Just… being.
And as nice as it can be to light a candle, curl up with a good read while finishing off your kids’ Halloween candy, it’s in the company of loved ones that hygge actually becomes something meaningful. In Italy, they call it la convivialità. In Ireland, it’s simply calling over for tea. In the U.S., we once had our own version too: stopping by.
Left: “Calling over for tea” in our case meant a literal cup of tea (Mill District’s Calm Tea Organic blend), a box of Celebrations and some good conversation with our neighbors in Cork. Right: The end of an evening of “la convivialità” in Tuscany.
They’re really all just versions of the same human instinct to gather in impromptu togetherness. Talking over a table for hours. Pouring another cup (of coffee? Of tea? Of bourbon? Whatever.) No scheduling or planning in advance, just letting the conversation meander without checking the clock.
Over the holidays, my husband and I and our two kids made the annual trek to Cork to spend quality time with the in-laws, and then I went on a side quest of my own to meet up with my side of the family in Italy. While in Cork, it was never a surprise when the doorbell rang at 7pm. There we’d all be, in our pjs and sometimes wet-headed after a shower, and suddenly (gasp!) we had visitors. But there was something so nice and casual about it, our impromptu togetherness. Maybe because “calling over for tea” tends to promise zero expectations of entertainment. Just your company. I mean, usually an opened bottle of wine or an actual box of tea is involved, but the most important ingredient is the catching up. The chat.
A couple weeks later I met up with my side of the family and we stayed in a hilltop town in Tuscany. And while most of Italy generally shares more of an outside culture than Ireland in the wintertime (wild guess: something to do with the climate), I witnessed the same impromptu togetherness there. After school, you could see hoards of kids and teenagers overtake the village square. Talking and playing, not a phone in sight. Same with the old-timers. Lots of men who looked like my grandpa gathered in small groups, having lively conversations in front of cafes.
We cooked our favorite dishes together and sat around the table, talking, sipping, shouting and laughing until it was time for bed.
Now that I’m back stateside, in the perfectly tolerable climate of San Jose, I wonder why I don’t see more people gathering in public spaces after school and work; why there aren’t many children riding their bikes together down my street. Maybe they’re “calling over for tea” at their neighbors’ houses? The most likely explanation is that they are home. Or at an organized sport, a lesson, an enrichment activity. You know, doing something productive.
But what if the most productive thing they could be doing is just…hanging out together? Recent data from the CDC and Gallup suggest that depression rates are at an all-time high in the US, particularly among younger adults. Could this have something to do with our declining trend in facetime? (That’s meeting a person face-to-face, not the video-calling app). The Atlantic even did a write-up on this called: Why Americans Stopped Hanging Out, timestamping our slow proclivity toward social isolation since the 1970s, with a major boost after Covid.
And for anyone who was alive during the nineties, you might remember a simpler time when friends would “stop by” just because they were in the area. This was never a big deal. If it was a bad time, if you had company over or were in the middle of dinner, they would just stop by another time. Literally zero mental load was allocated toward arranging this social interaction.
When we look at our lives now, we’re navigating busy work schedules, kids’ extra curricular activities and birthday parties—plus, close friends and family might live further away, so our commitments are carefully pre-planned weeks to months in advance. A lot of thought goes into this, by the way. Think of the amount of time you spend going back and forth with friends trying to orchestrate a time to meet up that works for everyone. It’s kind of psychotic.
Still, there are a few ways we can bring back the idea of calling over for tea—of la convivialità—here in the States. We can say yes more often to last-minute plans. We can start stopping by again, and showing up. And if the idea of a friend or relative ringing your bell unannounced sends a chill down your spine, start small.
5 Tips for Bringing Back “Stopping By” in 2026:
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Consider ‘Open House’ Days: Create a group chat with close friends or family, and whenever you have a low-key weekend coming up, let them know they’re welcome to stop by and say hi (with no expectations of dinner or entertainment.)
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Create a Code: With that same group of friends, you can have a signal outside your homes that lets the others know you’re open to visitors. For instance, if you have a glass storm door: front door open means come in, door closed means not today.
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Set up a Recurring Time: If your personality leans more structured, try picking a recurring time (maybe it’s First Fridays) where your group meets at a set time, rotating houses each month. And stick to it.
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Stuff to Have on Hand: It’s nice (but not necessary) to have coffee, snacks, or a box of your favorite tea at home for when visitors stop by. Ahem, it’s called ‘spilling the tea’ for a reason. I’m a little biased, but I’d recommend our Vitality Tea for daytime visits and Calm for the evening.
- Getting People to…Leave 😬: If you’re anxious about surprise visitors cutting into your Netflix-before-bed time, just keep it real and say something like: Welp! I’m tired. I guess I’ll talk to you all tomorrow. Nobody will care.
So, here’s to prioritizing “stopping by” in the new year, wherever we call home. To choosing messy connection over perfect coordination. Because the truth is, the best togetherness is the casual kind, involving nothing more than a knock on the door and a kettle ready to boil. And maybe some good, old-fashioned gossip.
Happy 2026, friends!
